My Mind News

This is my brain. I'm pretty sure it's not on drugs.

Saturday, July 31, 2004

De-Evolving Exercise

Is it possible that ideas for the advancement in an industry can overwhelm it to the point where it seems to destroy that very industry? Or is it just a simple fact that if you know you can sell an eskimo ice, you'll come back to sell him frozen agua the next week and thermo-cooled H20 the following week.

Whatever the case may be, exercise equipment has just got to the point where it is just fucking retarded. Case in point: The Ab Lounge. It's a god damn cot. That's it. Nothing to it at all. Here, take a look for yourself.




The pictures alone show you how to work this magical cot that can burn the fat away. Now this isn't some equipment that came out decades ago, this is brand spanking new. And sadly, people are actually buying it. Why? Why on Earth are they doing that?

And if that doesn't top it. For those that are too fucking stupid to figure out how this wonder cot works, it actually comes with an instructional video. Someone please slap the shit out of me.

Are people so desperate to take off the pounds that they'll by anything?

If that's the case then let me introduce you to my workout equipment. It's called the Fat Burner. You put it on your feet everyday and it is guaranteed* to take off the pounds. I wore the Fat Burner for weeks now and I'm proud to say that I have lost nearly 20 pounds. And for the low low price of $99, you too can take advantage of my fat vanishing system.

Allow me to give you a sneak peek of this amazing product.



*That's right dipshit. They are socks. Plain old socks. If you want to lose the pounds put on the socks and walk your fat ass around the block a few times every day. Oh yeah...and ease off on the fat food there too tubby.

Saturday, July 24, 2004

amBUSH

Technology is amazing. Since the dawn of digital imagery, man has been able to capture amazing footage from around the world. For the most part it is used for educational and informative issues. It also has greatly enhanced more seedy industries such as pornography.

However, since the US has gone to war I've been seeing more and more footage of events in Iraq. Obviously it doesn't tell the whole story, but each clip I see brings the events in Iraq more closer to home.

Baghdad, Iraq isn't some wasteland desert. It's a bustling city holding millions and millions of people. They are just like me and you. They wake up in the morning, go to work, eat out for lunch, come home to their wives and children, go to bed. Then wake up the next morning to do it all over again.

Now imagine on your way to work you heard a thunderous noise. You look up and see that's it's not a storm brewing because the skies are clear blue. But rather it's a mortar shell that just landed dead in the middle of the street for the sole purpose of death and destruction. You might bitch about being late because there was an idiot who caused an accident on the road, but daily citizens of Baghdad have to tell their bosses how they are late because they were ditching mortar shells and militant automatic fire.

The following video was an amazing close call of an ambush that a US military convoy escaped while driving through the busy streets of Iraq. I watched the video a few times. At first I felt deeply for the US soldiers. But as I saw it the fourth time my heart felt for the Iraqi citizens. These people were running for their lives. And they have to live in that fear everyday.



God Bless America. And God...don't forget to Bless Iraq.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Procreation Prevention

Nowadays you need a license for just about anything. If you want to drive a car you need one. If you want to park on a city street in Milwaukee you need one. If you want to tend bar you need one. Insurance salesman need one. Financial Planners. Mortgage Brokers. Real Estate Agents. Boxing. Firearm possession. Riding your bicycle in a street. Driving a truck. Owning a dog. Marriage. The list goes on and on. I bet the average person has at least a dozen licenses just to exist in America.

Well I propose another license. If you want to have children you should have to be granted a license for it. Now I know that sounds off the wall, but so does needing a license to pedal a bike around town or to build a fence on your own lawn. The reason I bring this up is because frankly there are some people that need not produce offspring in this world. I'm sure you can think of a dozen or so people that you know that shouldn't infect the human race by the multiplication of their genes.

This idealogy hit me the hardest when I woke up to his the face of this man in my morning dose of Yahoo news.



A sound deafened my ears, blindness overcame me, and my head throbbed as if someone was smacking me with a jagged brick. I lost memory shortly after, but my fiancee informed me that while she was in the bathroom she heard me shriek and found me smacking my face against the computer monitor. A simple web search illustrated that this is a common reaction for those that are afraid of real life clowns. Not the fake ones in the circus, but really real ones.

But back on track. Avoiding further eye contact with the photo so that I could read the story I was overcome with horror when I read this headline:

Jackson to be Father of Quadruplets


I quickly checked the date for fear that I may have somehow slipped into some distorted space-time continuum and arrived on April Fool's Day. But no such luck. It was July 20, 2004 and Michael Jackson was going to add 4 more children to his already existing offspring.

This is clearly a man/woman/person/alien/clown/freak/weirdo that should not procreate. This needs to be put to an end. What child can grow and be a productive asset to the human race if their father is Michael Jackson.

I urge you to immediately contact your local congressman and petition them to put laws in place for regulations in procreation. The world has seen enough. 3 offspring is enough. Now we have 4 more on the way. And something tells me he's not going to be stopping anytime soon. We don't need to see a nation of Michael Jacksons.

Monday, July 19, 2004

Naming Names

I got to the thinking about Kobe Bryant and his situation. His accuser desperately wants to be unnamed and now she fears for her safety if her name is revealed. Well if she gets to hide in anonymity why is it that Kobe can't? How is it that Kobe Bryant's name rings the same tone as a sexual violator? Is that fair for him? I think not.
 
According to the law, Kobe Bryant is innocent until proved guilty. Therefore that means his accuser hasn't been raped until it is proven. Therefore she should bear no rights to such anonymity. In my opinion it is the accused that should have protection, not the accuser.
 
In saying this, I hit to the web and dug up who his accuser was. What's interesting about public information is that it's just that...available to the public. So why even try to hide when one can simply just dig up your info in a matter of minutes.
 
So we all know who Kobe Bryant is. But who is his accuser?
 
Her name is Katelyn Kristine Faber.

Feel free to send her a nice card or flowers for support at 0817 Brush Creek Ct., Eagle, CO 81631. If you're frugal like me,  you can just try an easier method. Like perhaps a phone call. So feel free to pick up the ole' phone and give Kate a call at (970) 328-6652. I know some people can stumble and get nervous on the phone, so don't fret. You can just as well send her an email which is nice and simple. So send your email of support to fabe5088@blue.unco.edu.
 
And if you live in Colorado, you just might see her around. So be sure to give her your best wishes. What's that? You don't know what she looks like? Oh my mistake, here let me help you out with that.

 
 

 



In my personal opinion, the accused stands more to lose. After all, at present, he is justly innocent. There's no reason for Kate to be anonymous. After all, it's public information.


Sunday, July 18, 2004

Monopoly: Celebrity Edition

It seems like every time a celebrity draws a card it's always Get out of Jail free. What's up with that? Is it possible that no high-profile celebrity can be properly charged and sentenced for their crimes?

O.J. Simpson. He killed two people and got away with it. Now let's just say that was my bloody footprint found on the residence. That alone would be enough to convict me and I'm 1000's of miles away from the murder scene.

Robert Blake's murder trial is being postponed. And he's out on bail right now. You heard me right. He's roaming about free. Now put me in his shoes. I'm at a Perkins with my fiancee. As we leave the restaurant I say, "Hey honey, you just head out to the car quickly. I forgot my gun at our booth." I go back in and get my gun and come out to find that my life has been shot and killed. Now what fucking sense does that story make? My bullshit tale would never hold up in court. And even if by some hellish miracle I wasn't the trigger man, no court would set me free on bail, let alone have a judge who's now postponing the murder trial.
 
Scott Peterson. Same deal there. Let's put it in my shoes. I'm married and cheating on my wife. So heck, I just have this need to go fishing a few hours away from the house. And sure as shit my wife turns up missing. And what do you know. They find her washed up body in the same fishing hole that I had went too. So what do I do then. I run. Run like shit. Take 10k cash, steal my brothers ID, die my hair, and take off for Mexico. Now I'm caught and standing trial. Does that sound like a case where the judge would consider throwing out? Well maybe not for me. But for lucky ole' Scott Peterson that's his situation. This guy is going to get away with murder. How and why his case became famous as opposed to many others? Beats me. In my eyes, he's a cheating fuck that just wanted to off his wife.
 
Lastly Martha Stewart. The ImClone founder gets 7 years in the slammer. That's quite a long time for assisting in the crime Martha committed. But what does Martha get.....5 lousy months at a facility that looks better than my own home. I just don't get it.
 
There's a glimmer of hope in my that I might become famous one day. And when I do, remind me to go kill someone. Apparently I can get away with it.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

28 days and counting....

Well I figured you guys were wanting an update on my challenge. So far so good. I must say the first few days were straining. It was almost as if my body was rebelling against me. I've done some pretty zany things in the past, but this has to be one of the more peculiar ones in quite some time.

Last night was a little scary. I had a dream where I was having sex with some random woman and my fiancee and her family walk in the house. So even in my own dreams I can't get away with screwing around on Krista. When I woke up I did a quick bed check to see if I was out $75. I was pleased to see that I was still good to go.

Avoiding erections is probably the hardest (no pun intended) part of this whole challenge. I never realized how much sexual content is in my day to day life. And I mean it's everywhere. Being the night owl that I am, my cable is plagued with those horrid B rate flicks that just show tits and asses to pull in the ratings.

I also thought I was going to experience some discomfort as a result of blue balls. But again, nothing's happening. I'm starting to think I might win this challenge.

Just another 28 days....

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Road to Nowhere

There are way to many crazed drivers on the road. During my early days of driving, I too was one of them. But then it was just to impress my friends with my dippin' & trippin' skills behind the wheel of a car. The fact that I had a '94 red Geo Metro meant absolutely nothing. Believe it or not I was still stuck with a $400 speeding ticket for driving 40mph over the limit.

After paying such a hefty fine, I made the decision to stop speeding. And I haven't since. Well...that's not entirely true. Of course I go over the limit, as does everyone, but I do not exceed it by 5mph. My results? A more calmer driving experience.

My mother's boyfriend unfortunately does not have such patience behind the wheel. He's a good guy and treats my mom right, but good God that man is a bastard at the wheel. It's like he's a whole new man where he even dared to snap at my mom a few times in my presence. Luckily I had the sense to figure out it was just his road rage, cause Lord only knows what my fists would do to any man that treated my mother wrong. Well, maybe her second husband knows. He awarded himself with a Cannon sibling beat down back in '95.

Back to my point of this topic though...

Why do people drive so insanely and with so much anger? Why the need to speed? Why endanger your lives and the lives of others? Why insist on driving when your impaired by either fatigue or intoxication?

I just don't get it. So much needed stress you're putting on yourself that isn't necessary. Why the rush? Just slow down. Enjoy the ride. Trust me. You're going to get to where you need to go.

Saturday, July 10, 2004

Cheap Hotels Gone Cheap

I'm sitting in an Amway owned Comfort Inn somewhere in some small town in Minnesota hours away from home. Indeed, it's a crappy motel. I think my share of the night's stay is going to be around $20. Of course, sharing in the nature of the crappiness, I am writing this post on a cheap ass laptop (cost $180 on Ebay) and using free internet, thanks to NetZero.

One of the joys of going to a motel/hotel is the gratitous amenities that they endow you with. Oh you know what I'm talking about. Coffee, water, soap, shampoo, towels, pillows, bath mats, etc.

I know, you don't have to tell me. Not all of this stuff is on the house. We just all justify a way as to why it should be free. For me, I'm in a smoking room, when we clearly specified a non-smoking room.

So as I was marinating in the old faint smell of a room routinely baked in cancer sticks, I decided to make best of my time and help myself out to a few free gifts. But I ran across a little sign that was resting on the table next to the free coffee machine that would look nice in my kitchen.

It read:

Due to the popularity of our guest room amenities, our Housekeeping Department now offers these items for sale:

  • Bath Towels $9.00
  • Bath Mats $12.00
  • Hand Towels $5.00
  • Face Cloths $2.00
  • Pillows $15.00

    Looking in my bag, I was pleased to see that they priced my complimentary items. My room was already paid for by far and them some. Zipping up my bag, I was going to instruct my younger brother to head down to the swimming pool and pick up another $50 worth of towels.

    But my impluse stopped dead when I finished reading the sign.

    Each guest attendant is resonsible for maintaining the guest room items. Should you decide to take these articles from your room instead of obtaining them from the Execuctive Housekeeper, we will assume you approve a corresponding charge to your account.

    Thank you.


    Now ain't that some bullshit? Now I'm going to actually have to pay for my Christmas gifts this year. Thanks a lot Comfort Inn. You couldn't give me a smoke free room. You couldn't give me my gratitous towels, and tomorrow morning I wouldn't be surprised if you required a tip for your supposedly complimentary breakfast.

  • Thursday, July 08, 2004

    Psychological Profiteering Psychics

    I am still amazed that people buy into psychics. I haven't ulimately ruled my decision on whether one actually has the ability to see things that others might not be able to see. Anything is possible. However, I have yet to see anything convincing.

    Every Wednesday on Montel, he has his favorite guest reappear on a routine basis - Sylvia Brown. Apparently she has the ability to contact the spirit world and get in touch with deceased loved ones. In addition, she has the ability to see other odd things as well. As she talked with people in the audience, one thing was for certain....this lady don't know shit. I mean nothing at all. The only thing that she could predict or know were things that cannot possibly be validated by any measures. Or she plays by sheer numbers, for if she guesses enough times, she's bound to get lucky once in awhile.

    This holds mainly true with her famed predictions. Here's a list of her 2000 predictions. I will follow up with her predictions for the next 100 years. I am not going to comment on every single one of her predictions, because you'll get the gist of it. There's nothing she's predicting that none of us couldn't guess on our own. So what does she do? She forgets all about the predictions that she was wrong about and glorifies the one or two that she got right.

    Her 2000 Predictions.


    -Interest rates will rise very slowly until Spring and then will level off and begin to go downward.

    -Stocks stay pretty steady. The NASDAQ fluctuates up and down wildly in March, but the Dow stays pretty solid.

    -Building everywhere from all corners of the State (CA) is at an all-time high.

    -There will be a lot of purchasing of property in foreign countries by Americans and for the first time at such an all-time high.

    -There is going to be a shake-up at American Airlines during January and February. American will also merge with Alaska Airlines.

    -TWA is hanging on by a thread and will probably not last until the end of the year.

    -Unemployment will be very low. There will be another acceleration of the minimum hourly wage by mid-year.

    -New electronic companies are in the making now, but will really burst on the scene by late Fall. This is as a result of not only technical advances but also genetic research.

    -The beginnings of a surge for a flat tax will be bantered around and come to some conclusion before the next election that will take us into 2001.

    -Air travel reaches an all-time high, but because of overbookings and poor service, the airlines will need to revamp their scheduling practices. opps....someone didn't predict 9-11

    -As in the 1940's and 50's, we are going to see a lot of small businesses flourish like the old Mom and Pop operations. When's this going to happen? All I'm seeing is Walmart, Costco, and Super K-Mart.

    -There is a big upsurge in the population looking for more antiques and handmade articles than things that are mass-produced.

    -There will be extensive monitoring of the internet that will be imposed to govern and reduce indiscriminate pornography. This will be drastically different from the filtering software available now, along with harsh regulation. No shit sherlock. It's just common sense to understand that Internet Porn in the end will be strictly regulated. This will no doubt come as more and more people turn to the Internet to retrieve information and not smutty porn. But heck, I must be a psychic too.

    -There will be a definite crackdown by the Federal Government regarding frivolous lawsuits. This has been bantered around for a while, but now a definite crackdown is imposed.

    -Sorry to say there will be three hurricanes that hit in rapid succession in the Fall, again around the Bahamas, then Mexico, Florida, and the Carolinas. Wrong

    -Tornadoes touch down in Ohio in April and a devastating one touches down in Brownesville and San Antonio, Texas in the Spring. Any Texans around? Can you name me a single year that TX never got a tornado?

    -An earthquake hits around the Niagara Falls area, small but significant because of where it is.

    -There will be small earthquakes that hit around the Northern California area in January and February, nothing of significance.
    Los Angeles registers a 5.3 earthquake in and around the valley in late March. News Flash, California experiences 100's of earthquakes a year. None of them are significant.

    -Seattle area, around Olympia, gets a 4.9 earthquake around June. None of these earthquakes above are devastating.

    -The warming trend continues and climates begin to change drastically even more than we have seen in the last ten years. Slyvia, perhaps if you never read the news and just came out of a isolated cave during the majority of your life, would I dare consider the possibility that you predicted this one. But since Global Warmning is has been a catch phrase for years, it's utterly shocking how you would predict this.

    -Temperatures along the East Coast become milder and along the West Coast colder and more damp and also due in part to the polar tilt.Now tell us all what a polar tilt is.

    -NASA finally cuts back on the space program realizing that every time they send up a space vehicle they are tearing the ozone layer.Absurd. Private industries are no even taking it to space. And I don't know....there's that one thing.....Mission to Mars.

    -The midwestern U.S. has a big uprising because of some kind of polluted waste hazard. This has not been recognized at this point, but begins to surface around Branson.

    -There is going to be a very definite detection of mines and some bombs that have not been detonated off the coast of Hawaii.

    -Train wrecks will occur in France and England causing quite a bit of devastation in May.

    -In June a major airline disaster is averted. Well you were right about the disaster. Except it came a year and some months later. And by the way....it wasn't averted.

    -An airline high-jacking is thwarted out of Florida in August.
    Democrats will win the election with Bill Bradley, with close competition from the Reform Party.I'm mailing you a large rock. Once recieved, please smack it into your forehead for me. Thank you.

    -New York crime continues to be at an all-time low, and crime across the country, including crime in schools seems to reach an all-time low.

    -The one thing that is very frightening as we go into the millennium, and even though spirituality is at an all-time high, is that we will see more occult groups arising and people professing to be the Messiah. Still waiting on that one.

    -Organized religion becomes gentler and kinder and more liberal, which goes along with spirituality and in keeping with Christ's words.

    -We are approaching an age of innate goodness and acceptance and the philosophy of living and let live. People become more conscious of others like it was in the 1940's and 50's; e.g., when someone dies, people come together to help with a more community-like lifestyle. Families begin to band together as they once did.

    -Elizabeth Taylor ends up back at the Betty Ford Center.

    -Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston get married, but it lasts for only a short time.

    -Gwyneth Paltrow marries an older man who is in the entertainment business, but not as well known as she. Lead singer of Cold Play. Around her age. That's who she married. And yeah, wasn't the year 2000 either.

    -David Letterman decides to call it quits from his nightly late show after this year. Considering the fact that the man had major heart surgery in Jan. 2000, I would have thought this too. But then I recalled the fact that the man just sits on his ass for an hour cracking jokes every day.

    -John Travolta has to be very careful flying his plane in February.As opposed to flying reckless all the time?

    -Donald Trump buys another large hotel and goes into partnership with someone very well known in a production company.As opposed to Donald Trump never buying a thing and never merging or acquiring more companies?

    -Neither Warren Beatty nor Donald Trump has any success in politics.

    -Courtney Cox will get pregnant this year and have a baby boy.Four years later and it was a baby girl.

    Heck Sylvia, you must be a psychic. Because after all of this you did get one right.....Warren Beatty and Donald Trump had no success in politics. But I guess you would first have to run for office to fail in politics. But whatever, you're the psychic, and I'm just the guy making random guesses.

    Her Predictions for the next 100 years.


    -Eradication of cancer as we know it, using sound waves, photo sensitive drug therapy, and "self-addicting" cells.

    -Robotic houses, controlled by computerized switchboard.
    Electrical cars with flotation ability for water travel to bypass freeways.Get out of here....Technology is still going to progress? Say it ain't so.

    -Houses made from pressed paper with plastic coatings; interchangeable walls

    -Separate body parts cloned for organ transplants; not an entire body.

    -New form of painless tooth extraction, using a type of suction, with immediate replacement of new tooth.

    -Diagnostic chambers which map the body's electrical balance to predict health problems before the come.

    -Cylindrical rooms in which people enter to see an automated projection of the clothing and color that would look good on them; select what you want, take your measurements, then two days later pick up the goods.

    -Third floor of houses have rollback roofs to allow Hovercrafts to come and go.

    -No more surgery with knives. Some type of molecular ionization device that knows how to take out the afflicted cells then seal the wound without a single scar.

    -Remolding of the whole face structure, to duplicate any look that you wish.

    -New exercise equipment that you sit or stand in, and it literally stimulates your muscles with electricity to achieve the same effect as physical exercise.We tried that once already. Why don't we just start jiggling our fat in hopes of it to go away?

    -Babies will be birthed in water all the time, with music, incense, and green and lavender lights.

    -People will be able to simply "walk out" of their bodies upon death.

    -There will be no US Presidency; our government will go back to a Greek Senate structure.

    -No longer a single Pope, but a triumvirate of Popes, each assigned to a geographic collection of Catholics.

    -Peace in the Middle East will prevail by 2050.

    -West Coast goes under in 2026. Parts of the East Coast also get inundated. Tsunamis will wipe out a large portion of Japan. The Hawaiian Islands will have upheaval and be the site of a large new landmass.

    -Atlantis will begin to show itself by 2023 and be fully visible by 2026.

    -After 2050, the "Age of the Messiah" is upon us. People turn totally toward Spirituality, peace will rein for a long time. People will return to community living, loving each other, and working together.

    -Treatment for depression and mood disorders will come from a "control chamber" that emits sensory stimulation gently to the brain, including certain smells, which will elevate mood.

    -Medicine in pill form goes away; instead we have air-injected delivery through the skin.

    -Atomic batteries will run cars.

    -No more gas propelled rockets in space; we will have nuclear powered cylinder shaped objects that travel everywhere.

    -A moon base is created for people to visit, and as a stopping place for further trips.Wait wait wait...what about all that ozone deteriation caused by space travel? What a fuckin' idiot...

    -By 2055 most people will live in domed cities due to poor atmospheric conditions. Ah, I spoke to soon. However, it doesn't refute the fact that she's still a fuckin' idiot.

    -A virtual reality headset will stimulate brain waves so people can learn whole libraries of information within hours.Yeah, I read Battlefield Earth too...even saw the movie.

    -Giant fruits and vegetables will be grown in hothouse environments. The nutrients will be synthesized into a highly condensed injection.

    -Proteins are developed without animal meat, very powerful, builds immune system.

    -Addictions will be a thing of the past because of a brain stimulation, which eradicates all addictions, with no side effects.

    -Execution for the death penalty will become a complete vaporization of the body.Another rock is now in the mail. You know what to do with it when it gets to you Sylvia. Thank you.

    -No separate governments, one planetary government will form.

    -Great earth changes will occur and germ warfare will be used before the world finds peace. But eventually from all of the bad comes good. The pendulum will swing back to humanity and love.

    -No world war is coming, but lots of civil disorder and small skirmishes. No nuclear holocaust.

    -Peace will last from 2050 until 2100, and then I see nothing beyond, which could mean "the end will come like a thief in the night."

    -Toward the end of things, the veil separating our world from The Other Side will thin, so much so that most people will see decease loved ones and speak with their Spirit Guides.

    -There will be many false prophets that rise up proclaiming to be Jesus on Earth, and try to lead people astray. We are already seeing this in the big rise of occultism.

    -People will again find Spirituality, not so much in organized religion, but in the spiritual brotherhood of coming together and finding their Temple within.

    -Four more comets will pass by before the end times.News Flash....thousands of comets fly by Earth all the time.

    -Aliens will begin to show themselves in the year 2010, they will not harm us, they simply want to see what we are doing to this planet. They will teach us how to use anti-gravity devices again, such as they did for the pyramids.Another rock is in the mail. This one should do the trick if the first two I sent failed.

    Here's my prediction for the next 100 years. We'll either be dead or dying to give two flying shits about Sylvia Brown's 100 years prediction.

    Saturday, July 03, 2004

    Omitting Nocturnal Emissions - The 40 Day Challenge

    You might need to watch that sap Josh Harnet horribly attempt to act in 40 Days and 40 Nights to pick up the whole scope of what I'm going to be talking about.

    However, I'll give you a quick synopsis of the film. The pseodu-stud Harnett plays a role in where he's a guy that's swearing off sex for Lent. He just had a bad break up and all he can do is just have sex, sex, sex with all these various women and it's tearing him apart. So for 40 day he cannot have sex of any kind.

    Now I was fine up until the point where his roommate performed a bed check with an ultraviolet light to check for any fluids. Now that's where my gripe stands.

    For a guy that was non-stop sexual active who stops, I don't think it's even humanly possible for him to stand the 40 days without some type of ejaculation. Sure he might not have sex, or might not even masturbate, but this crappy excuse for a film forget one other method of ejaculation. The kind that is involuntary. We know it best as a "wet dream". Though the cordial term (if it's even possible for it to be cordial) is "nocturnal emission".

    Now I've been reading various theories from "credible sources" all over the Net and there seems to be a confliction. Some people say that nocturnal emissions only happen when there is a sperm build up, while others contest that the body will reabsorb the built up semen. So how am I to believe?

    I can't speak for every guy out there, but I can speak for myself. Since the age of 14, the most I probably ever spent without an ejaculation was 2-3 weeks. And that was only because I was in the military for basic training and the first few weeks were surreal. Take note, I was gone 6 months in all for training, so it's apparent at some point I cracked. But as the drill sargeants told us when we got there, "Just remember privates, you can't get your socks pregnant." Kinda puts a whole new meaning to the term, "sock puppet" eh?

    Now, I do believe that one can who is not frequently sexually active can go for lenghty periods of time without ejaculation. But for those of us guys that are frequently active, I just can't buy the concept that is even possible. I think the body gets in a habit of such things. But who knows I could be wrong.

    So I am putting myself to the test. For the next 40 days I am not going to engage in any sexual activity that would result in ejaculation. Now I doubt I can completely turn myself off, but what I will do is stray from anyone or anything that could possibly arose me to increase the my build up of sperm. So for safe measures I'm sleeping on the couch till the challenge is over.

    Of course, there needs to be some type of wager on this bet. And I already know what you're thinking. Well Shawn, you can just as easily cheat to win the bet. So to overcome that temptation, I'm going to reverse the bets. If I have a any type of ejaculation within 40 days, I lose. If I don't, I win.

    What's the wager you ask?

    If I lose, I will make a $75 donation to Fenway Community Health.

    And if I win, I will make a $25 donation to the same charity.

    Fenway is a nonprofit organization that teaches folks about safe sex and AID/HIV awareness. Seeing the nature of this challenge, I figure that's the type of organization I should give funds too.

    7:30 AM CST on August 12, 2004 is the date and time to beat. Here goes nothing.

    Thursday, July 01, 2004

    Boob fined by FCC Boobs

    So CBS is getting fined a half a million dollars a a split second shot of Janet Jackson's breast. How freaking retarded is that? My whole life I've been seeing nudity all over the television screen. So what's the big deal now?

    Allow me to take you through a bit of a timeline to illustrate my point.

  • 1957: The gorgeous and busty Jayne Mansfield bent over and her nipple was seen on broadcast television to countless viewers.

      The Fine: $0.
      The Result: Her fan mail no doubt quadrupled as teenage boys saw a glimpse of heaven.


    Here's something really interesting. Not even a decade later, viewers were outraged when Barbara Eden's character on "I Dream of Jeanie" was going to show her belly button on network television. It was deemed in too upappropriate for television.


      The Result: They filled her belly button with a flesh tone plug. Now how freaking lamo is that?


  • 1973: With complete intention, Valerie Perrine showed her nipples on PBS in a unisex shower scene with Bill Bixby.

      The Fine: $0
      The Result: Bill Bixby on PBS? It should be nothing but the best for the Hulk. At least he got to see a naked chick outta the deal.


  • 1977: The miniseries Roots showed full frontal nudity of African black women.

      The Fine: $0.
      The Result: Justified saying it added realism to the film. .


  • Skip forward to the 90's. NYPD Blue dared to show all types of nudity including the gruesome image of Dennis Franz's ass that tortured America. This image was so disturbing that no where on the net can an image be found. And I am shamed that I even thought to expose you to the horror. Forgive me.

      The Fine: $0
      The Result: A nationwide simulataneous vomit epidemic, now referred to as "The Day We Were Damned." This is a day that we should never speak of again. Again, I truly apologize if this memory triggered adverse results.


  • 1994: Meredith Baxter (you remember her as Mrs. Keaton from "Family Ties") dared to star in a television network movie called, "The Breast". So naturally, what did she have to do? Show her tits. And I'm not talking just a nipple peek either. You saw everything.

      The Fine: $0.
      The Result: I have a new found interest in "Family Ties" Reruns.


  • 2004: ER showed full frontal of an 80 year old woman with a child about the age of 12 on the same set. And yes, they were lumpy and saggy. Shame on you NBC for my re-occuring nightmare.

      The Fine: $0.
      The Result: A nationwide commitment for abstinence after retirement.


  • Super Bowl 2004: Janet Jackon shows a covered nipple on the SuperBowl.

      The Fine: $550,000.
      The Result: The Realization that the FCC is run by a bunch of depressed chimpanzees.

      For Christ's Sake, you didn't even see a clear shot of her nipple on Janet!! It wasn't until they paused the split second scene, and blew up the image did they realize that the very center of symbol was her nipple. I personally am more offended that I had to suffer watching the young Queer Eye Timberlake.


    So let's take a look at some pictures of what I was talking about. You be the judge. Of these pictures, who should have been fined and for who much? It kinda puts perspective on things when they are robbing CBS of so much for something so little.


    Jayne Mansfield's Nipple Slip


    Mrs. Keaton's Mango


    $550,000 boob as determined by FCC boobs