Cool Site of the Day

This site rocks. There's a Kerry/Bush cartoon that just is too hilarious. It looks like these guys have been at these types of cartoons for quite some time. You have to check it out.

http://www.jibjab.com

Screech

For those that don't know, I'm a freelance writer. For some time, I actually was fulltime. However, the need to eat food and have shelter overcame my desire to write for a living. However, I still write on a near daily basis and manage to land a few cool projects.

Tunneling through a bit of networking, I was able to land a celebrity interview. Remember that goofy kid from Saved by the Bell? You know, Screech Powers. Yours truly was granted 30 minutes of his time for a telephone interview while he was in Philadelphia promoting his band's first album.

That's right, you heard me right. Screech is now a rock star.

Below is an article I wrote based on some of the transcript of the phone interview. While we spoke at length about chess, comedy, and music, I slanted the article for the musician's market. Enjoy.

******



Every reminiscent image of Dustin Diamond dispelled while listening to him one afternoon from his hotel room in Pittsburgh. No longer is he the fidgety character of Screech, as best remembered him from his days on Saved by the Bell. But the end of the series was far from the end of his career.

Today the 26 year old Diamond holds a trifecta of career options. In addition to acting, he also is a comedian, and has taken to the stage as a bassist. His band, Salty the Pocketknife, is currently on tour after the release of their debut album October 21, 2003.

It would be interesting to know that Dustin thinks more of himself as a musician, than an actor. Music has been a part of him is entire life. While he has been acting for the last 19 years, he has been a student of music for 22 years. Filled with pursuit he assures, “Music is always going to be there.”

Shawn Cannon: How do you feel about the fact that you are best remembered for playing the character Screech from Saved by the Bell?

Dustin Diamond: I feel great. The show was the number one sitcom for kids around the world. Off the stage is where the proving grounds are. People see me off the stage they don’t know whether I’m in character or not. So when they actually see me doing my standup or traveling with my band they see the real me. Obviously I’m not doing the Screech character away from the show.

SC: You’re the bassist in the band Salty the Pocketknife. What’s the story behind the band?

DD: Evan [Stone] and I are the brains behind the operation. The way we set up our band is not the typical formula. We provide the canvas on which we allow people to come in and work with us to build our story. So in different albums you may have a different guitar or a different singer on every album. The guitar player and singer and color to that canvas. But we don’t play with people that don’t have the Salty feel. Obviously we play with people that are on the same page. For the first outing we are Salty the Pocketknife, but the next time we might be something else.

SC: The band’s music has been said to take “progressive/ new thing rock to the next level”. How so?

DD: It’s so well put together that it’s easy to follow and yet really confusing the first time you hear it. People that are hearing it get a complete assault on their senses. To have the CD, to listen to it and go through it a number of times, you start to learn the changes and the progressions; you really start to get more out of it, more depth out of it. There are still little things that we are learning about the music and we wrote it. It’s one of those things where we’re not your top 40 band. We’re not your Britney Spears. I’m not out there like Corey Feldman and these other guys who are trying to be rock stars, and pop stars. I don’t predict us being the band that is going to go Platinum a million times, but I do think that there are at least 100,000-200,000 people per album.

SC: What is the motivation behind your pursuit in music?

DD: Music I don’t do for fortune or fame. I have already received fame. And I already have made a small fortune. So music I do for me, because I have to do it. I don’t really care about people’s critiques of it. Of course I want people out there to hear my music and appreciate it.

To find out more about Dustin Diamond you can check him out at http://www.dustindiamond.net.

And be sure to check out his band at http://www.saltythepocketknife.com.

Clean as a Weiner

Technology is cool and all, but it's even better when it's used in an application where it makes sense. Lately, public bathrooms have been implementing technology so that your visit is more sanitary. However, that's what the goal is at least.

I'm sure you've seen such things. Toilets that automatically flush. Sinks that turn on when your hands are present. The same goes with auto hand dryers, and even recently I saw paper towel dispenser that was motion detected.

However, this technology failed to keep in mind the human nature of all men. With the old methods, we found it difficult to wash our hands after using the john. And now with these new methods, we really don't want to.

Simply put, men aren't afraid of the germs on their own weiners. Though none of them would admit it, they very well could stick their hands in the crotch, and then proceed to eat with the same hand. It's just how it goes. Deal with it.

So what happens when we're told that these bathrooms are automated so that they are sanitary? Well you get a world full of men that no longer have the need to wash their hands at all. Though we aren't afraid of the germs on our own sticks, we aren't too keen on getting the germs of some random anonymous scrotom. That's the real reason some men are compelled to wash their hands in public bathrooms.

One more thing needs to be taken into consideration. Men are stupid. Even the smart ones are stupid. Lemme just break it down for you to better explain this.

Technology allows for men's bathrooms to be more sanitary by making it so that you can walk into a bathroom, use the bathroom, and leave the bathroom without once touching anything in the bathroom other than your own dick. And in this technological process, you can flush the toilet, wash and dry your hands, and enter and exit the bathroom entrance.

However, men, being the braniacs that we are fail to put all the technology in the bathrooms. Every public restroom I've ever seen has only some, and not all. And believe you me, I've been to some pretty fancy bathrooms.

So what's the use of having an entrance having a toilet that flushes on it's own, automated sinks and hand dryers if you fail to have a door that we can leave without having to touch. Keep in mind, most men will not, I repeat, will not wash their hands.

So I can walk myself though this pseudo-technological charade just to end up with Joe Schmo's dick germs all over my hand when I exit the bathroom. Now does not that defeat the whole purpose of having this technology? It'd be no different than just having to shake some stranger's weiner on the way out.

Sandman Owes Me One

Well, my 40 day challenge is complete. And it looks like I came out of this a winner. I've been recieving numerous emails as well as seeing comments posted on this blog of other people that have dared themselves to take up this challenge as well. It's a pretty interesting one to say the least.

I'm not sure if my results had any effect to all the "expert" theories that are out there. So for those that aren't sure if nocturnal emmissions are mandatory for guys that don't ejaculate, then you're in the same boat as those that boast that they know the answer.

In my opinion, it's all about one's immediate environment. But not only that, I believe will power, confidence, and self control play a part as well. Perhaps they should design a psychological test to see who would cum in their sleep or not. That'd be an interesting grade to take home from school.

So next time I see the Sandman, he better pay up. I feel like I'm owed a nasty dream for my good efforts. I'm fine with any particular dream as long as it includes a topless volleyball competition.

Fuk a What?

I got a catalog in the mail today. It's your typical family oriented catalog. Or so I thought. The title of the catalog is "Catalog Favorites". It boasts that it has "a showcase of catalog best-sellers". My fiancee is a catalog shopper, but not a catalog buyer, so she tends to flip through all the catalogs that we get in the mail.



So after flipping through such catalog gems as Elmo T-shirts, toys no kid would ever play with, and Mr. Mom mugs, she came across an item that I now believe to be the only selling item in the entire catalog. I would venture to say that this entire catalog was created just to hide this particular item right in it's midst.



Supposedly this thing has even been seen on TV. You clip it to your finger and it's intended to relieve such things as headaches, and pains in your neck, back, and shoulders. Yeah...rrriiiggghttt.

The only thing this product is good for is flapping a clitoris like a hummingbird's wings at 9000 vibrations per minute. Yeah...that's right...I said it. It's for the masturbating sex starved housewife.

I was in denial myself after seeing this in the catalog. They have Cookie Monster kid's T-Shirt on one page, and adult sexual satisfaction on the next. You ain't foolin' no one "Catalog Favorites". I'm on to your little game.

Fukuoku? Yes please.

Aren't I Swell?

You know, I'm an American. I live a good life. Of course, that's all relative. So to some, I might live like shit. But in comparison to the rest of the world, I have things that millions upon millions dream to have.

When people see misfortune in life, they just hope, wish, and pray that something can be done about it. Now I'm not against either hoping, wishing, or praying, however if that's the only thing you are doing then I don't feel that it's good enough.

I like to take action. Now it doesn't have to be on any significant level. But every little bit helps. And if everyone were to just do a little bit, the world can change. Is that realistic, no. But does that render action useless, no.

So what's my little bit?

I decided to sponsor a child in need though the Christian Children's Fund. Krista insisted that I pick an "ugly" one for she thought that they would be overlooked when selecting. I have no verification of her claim, so I made it simple by just running a search on the type of child that had the most need in the country with the greatest need. And this child popped up amongst two others:



Sander is a young Brazilian boy who lives with his parents, Jose and Ivanete, in a rural community located in the Jequitinhonha Valley, northeast Minas Gerais, which is a poor and drought-stricken region.

Their simple home, which is self-built, has adobe walls, rough cement floors and a clay-tiled roof. There is an outhouse for toilet. Water is carried from a stream. Jose works long hours as a farm laborer (mostly cutting sugar-cane away from the home). The per-capita family income is less than US$ 50.00, or half of the minimum monthly wage in the country.

The family is of the Catholic faith and their native language is Portuguese. Sander is cheerful and fun. His pet name is Nene. He helps his mom to care for the chickens. He likes playing with balls and toy cars.

He is also fond of animals like dogs and cats. Sander is considered to have good health. He attends the project day care center where he receives nutritious meals and care, besides participating in recreational and educationally-oriented activities.

I might not be able to change the world. But I sure as hope that I can make all the difference in the world for this young guy. Ain't he a cutie?

An F Never Felt So Good

In high school, I was overtly outgoing. People knew who I was, and I always came with a good laugh for them, even if at times it came at my own expense.

My grades never reflected my intelligence, as I never cared for school. Correction....school was cool. It's just that classes and homework got in the way of all the fun.

I maintained a decent C/D average. But if I would have known then what I know now. I would have been made darn sure that I would have gotten an F. Because apparently, F nowadays stands for Fuck. As in that's what the teachers are doing to their students.

I recently read a report where 15 percent of pupils are sexually abused by teachers or school staff members between kindergarten and high school graduation. Now I must ask?

Why was I so cruely overlooked and thrown into the 85%?

Typically I wouldn't be bitching about this, but I took a glance at the latest teacher that has no been accused -- Debra Lafave. And good gracious have you seen this woman?



What's the dealio? This woman is an A+ hottie and she's liftin' the skirt for a 14 year old kid. So I say again, why was I in this damn 85%?

I had the hots for my Spanish teacher. Did not I make that clear to her by coming to class everyday? How come I didn't get an after school exercise? Ms. W, I would have even talked dirty to you in the very language you taught me. Was this not good enough for you? I even touched your hand when I handed you my homework. Don't you remember the way our fingers graved over each other? It was just a tiny bit of heaven.

And what about you, Ms. B. You were a hot little number, and I came to English class like it was a religion. Was not my allegiance enough? How dare you tease me with your little ass shakes as you wrote on the blackboard? Why wasn't I given this special extra credit? And to think I learned what a past participle was. I did that for you Ms. B, not for me. Your English didn't learn me a damn thing. But the "what if" memories of what could have been are now here to taunt me for my missed opportunities.

To all the 14 year olds guys out there...keep your chin up...you might be one of the lucky 15%.