Yet I Laughed

2 to 1 odds that the Brit gets his head cut off by tomorrow evening.

That's a joke that popped into my head when I was read the Yahoo article about the third of three captives who made his final plea for life.

Then it hit me. I actually made a joke and laughed at it. And what's worse...I didn't feel bad about it either. Now before you spout off your hatred to me, allow me to finish.

I have become desensitized to all the slaughter in Iraq. I'm so used to hear it, that it's becoming just ordinary news. Just like when I lived in Milwaukee, all the murders and rapes never made the front page. Rather it was a paragraph or two planted between the stock report and the classified ads.

Was it not a few months back when I was left with tears in my eyes at the news of Nick Berg's brutal murder in Iraq? What the hell happened? I'm at this point now where I'm just so fucking sick and tired about hearing of the whole thing.

I'm not starting to turn to that point where we should just move on in and take out every last suspected terrorist. I'm just baffled at the idea that these terrorists can take them hostage, and we can't find them until there's a headless corpse lying in an alley.

Maybe that's where all this is stemming? My dissatisfaction with what's going on over there. But another situation arises with just that train of thought. What would make me satisfied?

I suppose I have learned one thing from this whole experience. Never get involved with a chick who's a terrorist. When we're fooling around, I might make the mistake of asking her to give me head. And the last thing I should do is be surprised if she pulls out a huge knife and a camcorder.....

.......and yet I laughed.

Curtain Falls

Inhibitions.

Society.

We are confined to so many things and we don't even realize it. It can really become a burden at times. Guys, you know how this one can go. You're out in public and your boxers are bunching up and pinching the bloody hell out of your balls. What are you gonna go? Ya can't just reach down and pull at your stuff. That's just totally unacceptable behavior. I imagine in the presence of some people it might down right be considered a sin. Heck, I bet you could even get a fine for such an act.

So instead of just forgetting what the hell people even think and just relieve our junk of its stress, we walk around all uncomfortable. Sure we try to get rid of the discomfort through other methods. You know what I'm talking about. Bending a bit. Walking staggered for a second or two. Reaching into our deep pockets pretending to fish for some keys. But really, it just don't work. None of it does. The only cure is to get yourself in private and reach down and take care of the situation.

God forbid you get caught in private with your hands down your pants.......but what do I know?

Heck, If I lived in a world where I had no inhibition and wasn't bound by any "rules" of society, I'd probably be one of the nastiest mother fuckers around. I kid you not. I don't shower in the morning for myself. I do that for everyone around me. Cause I sure the heck don't mind if I stink. I just can't stand being around people who bitch about people stinking. So as a result. I stay showered, fresh, and clean.

The other day I started one of my first displays of this type of action. I had dropped a mint on the ground. And guess what? Yeah, that's right. I picked it up and ate it in the presence of people. What response did I get?

"Eewwww. That's gross."

"Dude, I can't believe you just did that."

And what of it?

Have you ever heard of anyone dying as a result of them eating a piece of food that they recently dropped on the ground? Never. So what the heck is the big deal? I would venture to guess that the average Joe has more germs on his hand, then what the ground possessed where my mint lay.

Oh, and by the way....after having worked in McDonald's as a young teen, I could tell you countless stories of where people ate food off the ground. Whether they knew it was on the ground didn't matter for squat in my opinion. They ate it. They liked it. They'd buy it again. No harm. No foul. But what do I know?

I can't count how many dates I've been on where I held in all the gas build up until the next morning when I left. (You heard me right the first time...I said the next morning...piece that one together there playboy ;). So we're talking like 10 hours of not farting at all. That's insanity. I couldn't just rip one right out. That's just far to gross and unacceptable human behavior for any girl to handle. But it's not my fault. It's my body just processing the expensive food I ate at the nice fancy restuarant I just treated this chick to. If anything, the very least I should be rewarded with is the right to pass some gas.

But what do I know?

Not enough apparently.

Trippin' on Tippin'

Pardon me if I'm wrong, but aren't tips meant to be a form of apprecation for a service well done? Let's say I'm at a restaurant and the waiter provided me with the type of service that I quite enjoyed, I would then be compelled to tip.

However, tipping has lost its meaning. Tipping is now mandatory. Certain restaurants will automatically assume I will like their service so they go ahead and put a 15% gratuity on my bill. Now how the hell can that be gratuitous is it's mandatory? Forget calling it a gratuity at all. They might as well just come out and admit that they are raping me for more of my money regardless of the service provided.

It has even gotten so bad, that companies will literally pay less because certain occupations know that their staff will be tipped. Mind you, this is even backed by Federal law in regards to minimum wage compensation. Correct me if I'm wrong, but is it not the responsibity of the company to see to it their staff is getting properly compensated. My must I be forced to pay their wage directly.

(This is for the idiots out there in the world that like to contest me for the sake of contesting me - Yes I understand that their wage would be paid for one way or another. Whether it be in the form of the tip up front, or through increased profit margin of the service rendered. However, the choice has already been made, and its just shitty that it wasn't made by me. My freedom has been stripped once again.)

And what's the deal with some service occupations getting paid more than others. I mean how hard is it write my order on a piece of paper, and then later deliver that same food to my table. Shit, a monkey can do that.

What about the teacher that helped your son get an "A" on his paper. Where's his tip? What about the mailman who walks through all elements of weather to ensure you that you get your mail? Where's his tip? I mean, who's deciding what occupations are getting tipped. Half the occupations that mandate tipping, in my opinion hardly deserve my hard worked dollars.

Of course I can't boycott tipping. Cause knowing what I know now it would be an asshole thing to do. After all, these people are literally relying on me to tip them so that they can pay for their rent at the end of the month.

So just because I will continue to tip, doesn't mean that I really want to do it. And more times than not, I hardly feel the satisfied service which compelled me to tip. Maybe it's just my blue collar town though, where people have no clue on how to smile and when to politely ask me if I need another liquid refreshment.

But most definately something needs to change. This tipping system is illogical and out of control.