Curtain Falls

Inhibitions.

Society.

We are confined to so many things and we don't even realize it. It can really become a burden at times. Guys, you know how this one can go. You're out in public and your boxers are bunching up and pinching the bloody hell out of your balls. What are you gonna go? Ya can't just reach down and pull at your stuff. That's just totally unacceptable behavior. I imagine in the presence of some people it might down right be considered a sin. Heck, I bet you could even get a fine for such an act.

So instead of just forgetting what the hell people even think and just relieve our junk of its stress, we walk around all uncomfortable. Sure we try to get rid of the discomfort through other methods. You know what I'm talking about. Bending a bit. Walking staggered for a second or two. Reaching into our deep pockets pretending to fish for some keys. But really, it just don't work. None of it does. The only cure is to get yourself in private and reach down and take care of the situation.

God forbid you get caught in private with your hands down your pants.......but what do I know?

Heck, If I lived in a world where I had no inhibition and wasn't bound by any "rules" of society, I'd probably be one of the nastiest mother fuckers around. I kid you not. I don't shower in the morning for myself. I do that for everyone around me. Cause I sure the heck don't mind if I stink. I just can't stand being around people who bitch about people stinking. So as a result. I stay showered, fresh, and clean.

The other day I started one of my first displays of this type of action. I had dropped a mint on the ground. And guess what? Yeah, that's right. I picked it up and ate it in the presence of people. What response did I get?

"Eewwww. That's gross."

"Dude, I can't believe you just did that."

And what of it?

Have you ever heard of anyone dying as a result of them eating a piece of food that they recently dropped on the ground? Never. So what the heck is the big deal? I would venture to guess that the average Joe has more germs on his hand, then what the ground possessed where my mint lay.

Oh, and by the way....after having worked in McDonald's as a young teen, I could tell you countless stories of where people ate food off the ground. Whether they knew it was on the ground didn't matter for squat in my opinion. They ate it. They liked it. They'd buy it again. No harm. No foul. But what do I know?

I can't count how many dates I've been on where I held in all the gas build up until the next morning when I left. (You heard me right the first time...I said the next morning...piece that one together there playboy ;). So we're talking like 10 hours of not farting at all. That's insanity. I couldn't just rip one right out. That's just far to gross and unacceptable human behavior for any girl to handle. But it's not my fault. It's my body just processing the expensive food I ate at the nice fancy restuarant I just treated this chick to. If anything, the very least I should be rewarded with is the right to pass some gas.

But what do I know?

Not enough apparently.