They do exist

There's the Easter Bunny.

And you have Santa Clause.

Of course, we can't forget the Tooth Fairy, or even that lovable flying baby Cupid.

But there's one mythical creature that I always thought to be just a figment of man's warped mentality. However I was recently proven wrong. And the thought that such a thing exists even baffles me as to how it can be in existance.

I'm sure you're sitting at the edge of your seat burning with desire as to what I could be referring to. Well, certainly you can't expect me to just come out and say it, can you?

If you have ever seen the movie, "Super Troopers", then you have heard of such a beast. It was in no reference to the actual existance of this vile animal, but rather it was used in the form of a prank.

The result of this prank led to one of the funniest quotes in the movie.

"License and registration, Chickenfucker!"

Chickenfucker. I know what you're thinking. I thought the same too. Can such a thing actually exist?

I searched everywhere from the crust of the Internet to it's meaty center, and my curiosity was caught off guard when I discovered........That they do exist.

• VALPARAISO -- After chicken feathers and blood were found all over a room at Valparaiso Motel on Monday, Valparaiso police were called to investigate. The room was found to have been rented Sunday night to Michael Bessigano, a 30-year-old Valparaiso man with a history of harming and having sex with animals. Police questioned Bessigano on Tuesday, and police said he admitted he had sex with a chicken.
  
  Bessigano was booked into Porter County Jail on a felony animal cruelty charge. Because this is the third crime against animals he's been charged with, he also is being charged as a habitual offender, said Chief Deputy Prosecutor Brian Gensel.
  
  He faces up to 7 1/2 years in prison if convicted of both charges.
  
  "He's got problems and hopefully he will be getting some help," said Valparaiso Detective Lt. Mike Brickner. "He has these urges that need to be addressed."
  
  Brickner said Bessigano stole a chicken Sunday from a chicken farm along Ind. 2, south of Valparaiso. He took the chicken to his motel room on U.S. 30, which he'd just rented that one night, and plucked its feathers so he could have sex with it, Brickner said.
  
  Bessigano then had sex with the animal and it died, Brickner said.
  
  Although Bessigano has been out of jail since January, police said this is his first run-in with the law this year.
  
  "There's no indication he's done this (animal abuse) recently prior to that night," Brickner said.
  
  The owner of the motel told police he had no idea Bessigano was a convicted animal abuser. Motel officials discovered the blood and feathers when they went to clean the room.
  
  Bessigano's animal abuse dates back to 1991 when he was arrested twice, once after being accused of breaking a rooster's neck and once after he was found in a neighbor's goose pen apparently attempting to molest the geese.
  
  He was also accused of having sex with and killing a Rottweiler dog at a rural Crown Point ranch in 1992. He was convicted of theft and cruelty to an animal, and was imprisoned until 1994.
  
  A month after his release, he was arrested in connection with the attempted theft of a German shepherd from some property in St. John Township. He was returned to prison, then was transferred to prison psychiatric care. He spent time behind bars after he was charged with biting a health care provider at Logansport's psychiatric unit in 1999.
  
  He was released on probation in January and had been living with a family member in Valparaiso.
  
  Bessigano has said he slept with dead animals, including a raccoon, when he was a child. While in jail, he would sleep under his cot, paint cat-like stripes on his body and make drawings referring to himself as "master of cats."
  
  
• LUSAKA (Reuters) - A 50-year-old Zambian man has hanged himself after his wife found him having sex with a hen, police said Friday.
  The woman caught him in the act when she rushed into their house to investigate a noise.
  
  "He attempted to kill her but she managed to escape," a police spokesman said.
  
  The man from the town of Chongwe, about 50 km (30 miles) east of Lusaka, killed himself after being admonished by other villagers.
  
  The hen was slaughtered after the incident.

Okay, I know, that was all gross. But heck, I don't make the news, I just report it. And in this case, I drop to my knees and thank the good Lord that I'm not making this news.

However, there are those that have actually made a legitmate business out of chicken fucking. I know, it sounds goofy right off the bat, but it truly is a legitimate enterprise.

• One of the world's most specialised careers would have to be chicken sexing. Melbourne man, Bob Martin, has spent sixty years studying and practising vent-sexing. His book, The Specialist Chicken Sexer is a fascinating documentation of this obscure but vital quest for technical accuracy.
  
  His book explains how poultry owners once waited until chicks were five to six weeks old before differentiating male from female. This became visible when adult feathers started appearing and cockerels (males) developed different feathers from pullets (hens). But for commercial egg producers it's important to keep the females and not feed males unnecessarily.
  
  In 1924 three Japanese scientists developed a technique for determining the sex of hatchlings investigating the chick's vent (rear end). In 1934 the first Japanese chicken sexers arrived in Australia to train locals in the new technique. Some Australians were trained but World War II intervened and the Japanese chicken sexers went home.
  
  Mr Martin's book describes the technique which involves close examination of the chicken's cloaca, which is a common external opening for the digestive, urinary and reproductive tract. The sexer looks for a degenerate penis which marks all males but also 15% females. The skill comes in determining the sex of this 15%. It sounds simple, but in fact requires great concentration, accuracy, long hours of training and practice examination.
  
  Two of Australia's top chicken sexers, Mr Harley Hall, one of the original chicken sexers trained by the Japanese in the early 1930s, and Mr Frank Evans, considered one of Australia's all-time top sexers, and able to sex 800 chicks an hour with 99% accuracy.
  
  The value to the industry and the skill required is recognised and Mr Martin said top sexers may earn $400-$700 a day plus expenses. A fair day's work could see 5000-7000 chicks sexed.

And to think, I used to say that promiscuous people fucked liked rabbits. I stand corrected.